It's been a while, hey?

So.... I guess it's been a while since I actually sat down and wrote anything here so here goes...

I still live in the middle of nowhere, where it's okay to hate based on who someone loves.  That still makes my heart break every fucking day.  I'm still having issues with the distance of my girlfriend and the severe lack of communication between us.  Oh and also, still listening to songs that strike nerves with every line.  As I'm posting it's Welcome Home by Tegan and Sara... No wait now it's When I Get Up by them...
Oh fuck me, I hate crying...

Sometimes I think it would've been better had my family moved to Calgary when I was 15 instead of stayin in MT. Probably wouldn't be broken hearted right now.

"I'm not unfaithful but I'll stray, when I get a little scared". The lyric I don't want to relate to, but I do from Tegan and Sara's song Back in Your Head

Not much new since the last time we talked. Still listening to a lot of sappy music and missing the one who possesses my heart. Just not crying as much anymore.

something I wrote a few months ago and felt I needed to post..

enough is too much

another report of another child
pushed of the roof of life
and i cry

another report of another child
dead in junior high
and i scream

ENOUGH!

this needs to fucking stop
before an entire generation expires
right in front of our eyes

because it's okay to bully
okay to belittle
okay to hate

when is the body count
gonna be enough
to make the world re-think

because the bullies aren't only the children
they have all learned these fears
from a world spewing hate

everything is scrutinized
and the cookie cutter must match up
because different means target

in this beautiful land
founded on freedom
from the persecution of others

but i am left to wonder
why
we now persecute ourselves

my playlis as of right now

(These are all Tegan and Sara songs by the way)

Here I Am

Star money

Dancing In the Dark (cover)

My Number

Hello

When I Get Up

Just Me

Heavy

Clever Meals

Empty In Between

The First

This is Everything

Missing you

Come On

Call It Off

Dark come Soon

Don't confess

Where Does the Good Go

I Know, I Know, I Know

I was Married

Love type thing

Welcome Home

Nineteen

Soil, Soil

Not with You 

Underwater

and...

Not Tonight

It's been a while since I've posted. Christmas has come and gone, i would have skipped it altogether this year had that been an option.  Still feeling guilty about hurting people, and still coming apart at the seams. I don't know why I can't shake this heart ache.... Wait, yes I do. I miss people I love and I don't know how to deal with this pain. First off, I miss my Father. He passed away this spring and it has ripped a gaping wound in not only my heart and soul but my family as well.  I love you Daddy.

Second, I still haven't seen the woman I'm in love with and every day it gets harder and harder to be so fucking far away from her. So for now, I listen to my music, I write and hope to see her again soon.  

seams in my brain coming undone....

6 in the morning  

and i'm still awake

thoughts ripping through me like 

razors

thinking too much

over analyzing everything

her

me 

her, a different her

me again

and all of those people

good and bad

i've gotten to know

all too well

before i just say

fuck it

fuck them 

fuck this

i'm done

we're through

it's over

fuck you

but who's the you im speaking to

is it her, or her or maybe him 

could be a they

hell, it might even be me

do you know

can you help

mend this seam in my soul

with it's threadbare efforts

to hold my sanity in

or is it my turn 

to be left 

in this cold world 

that i have created

and stranded others in